What were the relationships with your classmates like, seeing as you studied and lived with them? "My classmates were my true brothers and sisters. From age 4 we grew up together with no adult supervision between 8 pm and 7 am. We cared for each other. We taught each other to shower when dirty, brush our teeth, eat what is tasty, protect each other, and talk ourselves to sleep at night. We also hurt each other, like all kids do, but we had a responsibility to each other, as adults we not around much of the time, especially in high school years, when adults were not present from 3 pm until 7 am." How many are still living on the kibbutz? "My class consisted of 36 kids. All but 3 are still living in Israel. 17 are still living on the kibbutz I grew up on (Eilon) and 16 are living in Baram (about 40 min from Eilon)."
Have you kept in touch with many of them? "I kept in touch with my classmate until I left Israel. The years I studied were busy and I let many of the friendships die. I also had a hysterical family who blocked my friendships by not allowing me the time to see my friends when I came to visit Israel. These relationships have recently been revived with Whatsup (an app that allows you to communicate with people internationally). Whatsup connects me and all 36 of my classmates. We now communicate almost daily. It feels great and I truly missed them all."
The relationships between my father and his classmates are extremely different from my relationship with my classmates. Especially in high school when I didn't live with them. For me, my classmates were peers, not siblings. For many of them, I didn't even know their names. During group projects, we worked together but did not communicate more than we had to. I made my friends elsewhere and loved going back home where I had my own space and was able to be by myself. This is a little different in college because I live with my peers; however, very few of them are actually in my classes. This makes the dynamic very different because we are not together all of the time like my dad was. The person I may be with the most is my roommate. We sleep together and often eat together but don't go to classes together. When we need time apart from each other we can have it. We dont have to be together 24/7 and we will not be living together next year.
What was your relationship with your parents like growing up? "I grew up having very little interactions with my parents. I also grew up in what is (today) called poverty. My parents had nothing and they could give us nothing. No gifts, no clothes, no music, no games or anything of that nature." "They loved us, but they didn't have the chance to show it. They never tought us to eat, shower, getting dressed, brush our teeth, go to bed, play, think, etc. My parents never said ‘no’ to me. They were never in a position to do so as they were not involved in my upbringing. "
How did living with your classmates, rather than your sister, impact your relationship with her? "Theoretically, it shouldn't have affected our relationship. I always knew she was my sister. My parents worked hard to teach us that family is the most important value in life and that we should care for each other forever, especially after they die. They were right, but in reality, a relationship consist of mutual memories: who we shared with our first dance, first love, breakfast, lunch, dinner, bedroom, shower, hours at work, homework, and endless other memories with. Unfortunately, I did not have much opportunity to build mutual memories with my sister. Accordingly, we were never as close of friends as we should have been. We love each other, but it is more rational than emotional."
How do you think your relationship compares to mom’s relationship with her brothers? "If I compare my relationship with Ilana (my aunt) to Joni's (my mom) relationship with her brothers, it is obvious that they are much closer to each other than I am with Ilana. It's is an unfortunate consequence of the reality we were raised in."
My relationships with my parents and brother is extremely different from my dads relationship with his family. My brother and I have many memories of our childhood and growing up together. It is these memories that bond us together when we fight and will hopefully keep us close in the future. My relationship with my parents is strong, mostly because they raised me. I feel as though I may not have the same respect for them if I didn't grow up with them. They set the boundaries for me and taught me what was right from wrong. I think that if I had other people raising me and setting rules for me I would grow to respect them and not my parents. Respect is such a key part of any relationship and I’m glad my dad and aunt are able to have great respect for their parents now.
How did growing up on a kibbutz effect what you looked for in a wife? "Actually, it didn't. I used my parents’ relationship as a role model for commitment, love, consistency, devotion, honesty, caring for each other more than they cared for themselves, for being a team, for splitting responsibilities, for covering for each other, and for staying together for 68 years."
How has living in a kibbutz affected the way in which you raised your kids? "I over compensated with you and Yuli (my younger brother) for what I did not have. I had a need to give you anything you wanted because I couldn't have it when I was growing up. I had a need to feed you, shower you, put you to bed, read you bedtime stories, and help you brush your teeth. With endless love and with whatever you wanted. I still do and I still have a hard time saying no to you. Sometimes wanting you to be happy is more important than insisting you do the right thing."
I love the way my parents raised me. They set the rules AND explained the rationale behind the rules. This made me respect them and want to follow the rules that I understood. If there were rules that I found unfair, they talked with me about it and didn't just say “thats how it is”. My dad’s response made it seem like he spoils me 100% and never says no. That is not always the case but my parents do spoil me a lot. Especially in comparison to the way my dad’s parents treated him.
Was Judaism pushed on you or was it voluntary? "Judaism was not pushed on me. My parents identity was Israeli, but not Jewish in the religious sense. They did not believe in God and I grew up the same way. The kibbutz in general did not believe in God and people identified as Israeli. Only when I moved to the United States and had my own kids, did I start to make an effort to raise you and Yuli with a Jewish identity as you two did not grow up in Israel."
How did growing up on a kibbutz effect how religious you are today? "I am not religious. I see myself Jewish as I am Israeli, but I don't believe in God. Being Jewish to me is an identity of the Jewish nation, of Israel. It is not the traditional Jewish identity of believing in God."
Were your parents religious? "My father grew up in in a religious family but my mom didn't. She grew up in a family that attempted to assimilate into the Polish and German culture, which was not Jewish. Once World War II started, my parents dropped any religious identity they had and never regained it."
Were you taught religion in school? "I was taught the Bible in school for 12 years. For the secular part of Israel, the Bible is a book of history. It documents the ancient Jewish history of the slavery in Egypt, etc. But I was never taught religious ways of thinking or behaving. That is way I know so little about Judaism. "
What percentage of your classmates were religious? "None of my classmates believe in god. Thus, you can say none is religious. This, of course, was ingrained in us in the kibbutz."
Would your parents have been okay with you marrying a non-Jewish woman? "My parents would have been OK with me not marrying a Jewish woman. I thought it would be OK as well, but then I came to the US, and when the first woman I went out with asked me to come to home around Christmas, and then thanked the Lord for the food and the the company, and asked me to decorate the Christmas tree with her, I knew I would end up with a Jewish woman as I could not see myself in Church on Sundays and with no Jewish friends."
I know for a fact that if I get married, I will marry a Jewish man. I have known that since I understood the concept of marriage. It is extremely important that if I have kids one day, my kids will be raised Jewish. I want my kids to value Judaism the same way I do and I think that they are more likely to do that if both of their parents are Jewish. It is not necessarily the religious aspect of Judaism that appeals to me. It is more the cultural aspect. Most Jews share similar morals, beliefs, and traditions. These are all things that I want to pass on to my kids and I don't want my kids to have conflicting set of values thrown at them.